Her perspective
What Her Criticism May Be Protecting
The sharp complaint may have started as a gentler request that went unanswered. The sharpness still needs a limit.
The lists on both sides
You hear the criticism and prepare your defence. She has a list of things you forgot, and you have a list of things you did. Neither list gets you closer to what changed between you.
She may have asked softly before. A task stayed hers, a promise was half kept, and the next small miss came to represent all the earlier ones. The complaint is now bigger than the dish or the appointment. She may be afraid that if she stops pointing, nothing will move.
Ask what still has no owner
Ask what she has been carrying and which part she needs you to own. Listen to the answer before proving that you did other things. She also has to speak without contempt or humiliation; a real grievance is not a licence to cut you down.
If the immediate task is fixed but the criticism returns, look at the responsibility around it. Who noticed, planned and followed through? That is often where the hurt has been waiting.