What’s happening here?
Pick the line that comes closest to your situation. You do not need to know exactly what to call it.
Produces: The first issue worth addressing
Open the toolMarriageOS tools
What feels closest to your situation?
Start with the line that sounds most like your actual life. You will get one private next step, and you do not need an account.
Work out what needs attention
Start with what is happening, not a label.
This will suggest a first move. It will not judge your partner or pretend one tool can fix the relationship.
Because you chose“We just had a fight”
Here is where I would start
Let the fight end before it keeps doing damage
Get the temperature down, own what was yours, and say when you will come back. You can do that without pretending the disagreement is over.
Because you chose“I need to bring something up”
Here is where I would start
Find a first sentence you can actually say
Say what happened, how it landed, and what you are asking for—without putting the whole relationship on trial.
Because you chose“We keep having the same fight”
Here is where I would start
Look beneath the argument you keep having
Check connection, effort, repair, and aliveness to see what needs attention first. This does not give the marriage a grade.
Because you chose“I feel resentful”
Here is where I would start
See what this resentment has become
Is this strain, a pile-up of old meaning, or hurt leaking out as punishment? The answer changes what will help next.
Because you chose“I am carrying too much”
Here is where I would start
Pick one part of the load to hand over fully
Lay out the work people see and the work they miss, then try complete ownership of one part for seven days.
Because you chose“I feel like their parent, not their partner”
Here is where I would start
Get out of the manager-and-dependent roles
Hand over one adult responsibility from noticing through follow-through. Reliability and safety-critical work still count.
Because you chose“I feel useful, but not wanted”
Here is where I would start
Put some “I choose you” back into daily life
Notice the person, choose them on purpose, and let them see it. Appreciation and affection stay freely given.
Because you chose“We feel like roommates”
Here is where I would start
Make room for contact that is not about logistics
Work through one small action at a time, then keep the kind of contact that begins to feel natural again.
Because you chose“Desire or chemistry is flat”
Here is where I would start
Look at what changed around desire
Sort through roles, pressure, resentment, familiarity, overload, and life changes before deciding what the flatness means.
Because you chose“Touch has become complicated”
Here is where I would start
Make touch safer to offer and easier to refuse
Keep every no absolute, take persuasion and debt out of the moment, then agree on one rule that lowers pressure.
Because you chose“Everything else gets our best attention”
Here is where I would start
Claim one reliable stretch of undivided attention
Agree on when it begins, what can interrupt it, and how you return. This is about contact, never device inspection.
Because you chose“Outside attention is starting to feel easier”
Here is where I would start
Put a boundary in place before secrecy takes over
Look privately at comparison, validation, and hidden closeness. Then choose what needs to change outside and what attention needs to come home.
Because you chose“A body or life phase is changing things”
Here is where I would start
Build around the life and bodies you have now
Lower the pressure, keep one honest form of connection alive, and be clear about when a qualified professional needs to be involved.
Because you chose“I genuinely do not know”
Here is where I would start
Start with what you can recognise
A few plain questions will narrow this to one useful first move, with a second option only when it genuinely helps.
Pick the one that sounds nearest. Close is enough to find a place to start.
Browse all tools
Different moments need different kinds of help.
Use a short check, a script builder, a deck, or a paced pathway. Each one keeps the same safety boundary and points you on when another tool fits better.
Tool group 01
Need something now
Meet the moment, time the conversation, or return after damage.
Talk now or pause?
Decide whether this moment can hold the conversation—or whether you need a pause and a clear time to return.
Produces: A decision to talk or pause, with words to use
Open the toolClean Opening Builder
Turn one real concern into a first sentence you could actually say.
Produces: Spoken, text and short openings
Open the toolAfter the Fight
Stop the fight doing more damage and make your way back without pretending the issue is solved.
Produces: A re-entry card
Open the toolClear it before it hardens
Raise one hurt, let it go, or set a time to return before it joins the backlog.
Produces: One raise, release or return action
Open the toolTool group 02
Understand the pattern
Name what needs attention without scoring the marriage or diagnosing a partner.
Marriage Systems Check
See which part of the marriage needs attention first, without reducing the whole relationship to a score.
Produces: The part of the marriage to work on first
Open the toolWhere did the chemistry go?
Look at what has changed around desire before you decide what the flatness means.
Produces: What may be getting in the way and where to start
Open the toolResentment State Check
See whether this is ordinary strain, a growing backlog, hardening resentment, punishment, or something unsafe.
Produces: What the resentment needs next
Open the toolOutside Attention Boundary Check
Notice validation, comparison, or secrecy early enough to put a boundary back in place.
Produces: An outside-boundary and homeward action
Open the toolTool group 03
Carrying, effort and roles
Turn overload, manager mode and useful-but-unwanted pain into one experiment.
Protected Attention Builder
Protect one reliable stretch of attention without policing devices or each other.
Produces: A seven-day attention agreement
Open the toolEffort & Care Rebalance
Put the visible and invisible work on the table, then hand over one area completely for seven days.
Produces: An effort map and seven-day ownership card
Open the toolBack to Partner Mode
Step out of the manager-and-dependent roles without pretending follow-through does not matter.
Produces: A one-domain ownership reset
Open the toolChosen, Not Just Useful
Bring back signs that you notice and choose each other, not only what each person provides.
Produces: A Notice–Choose–Signal plan
Open the toolTool group 04
Closeness, attraction and desire
Reduce pressure and rebuild conditions for warmth, newness and chosen attention.
No + Repair
Keep every no absolute while taking avoidable pressure and hurt out of refusal and initiation.
Produces: A no-pressure response agreement
Open the toolLow-Pressure Closeness
Find one kind of warmth that can end exactly where you agreed it would.
Produces: One low-pressure closeness card
Open the toolBring Back New
Find something new that fits the energy, time, and money you actually have.
Produces: A new idea matched to your time, energy and budget
Open the toolAliveness Reset
Bring back initiative, self-direction, and energy without dominance games.
Produces: A 14-day aliveness experiment
Open the toolProtect Desire
Protect the conditions in which desire can breathe, without tracking sex or pressuring an outcome.
Produces: A personal plan for protecting desire
Open the toolTool group 05
Longer reset and adaptation
Use a paced pathway when one move is not enough.
Roommates to Reconnection
Move a functional but flat household back towards ordinary warmth and contact that is not about logistics.
Produces: A plan for keeping reconnection going
Open the toolResentment Reset & Recommitment
Stop hurt leaking out as punishment, rebuild ordinary contact, and see whether active recommitment is possible.
Produces: A 30-day reset and a clearer decision
Open the toolLife-Phase Intimacy Redesign
Adapt closeness to the bodies, health, responsibilities, and season of life you are in now.
Produces: A 14-day life-phase adaptation plan
Open the toolAlways available
Fear, coercion or retaliation changes what comes next.
Do not use a relationship script to manage danger. The private safety gate never assigns a score or diagnosis.