Vent or solve? Say what you need first
Sometimes the topic is not what starts the fight. You want comfort; they hear a problem to solve. Tell them which kind of help you need before you tell the whole story.
Repair
You do not have to solve the whole marriage tonight.
Find the moment you are in, check the use conditions, and make one repair the room can actually hold. These steps assume there is goodwill and enough safety to try.
Open this repair
Do not leave it like that
Come back after you exploded, shut down, or left badly.
Build one protected window
Protect a reliable pocket of full attention without banning phones or policing each other.
Take 48 hours to lower the temperature
A short reset for when the atmosphere is cold, defensive, and easy to ignite.
Come back within 24 hours of a fight
Make a low-pressure return before the fight settles into cold distance.
The use conditions matter as much as the script.
Fear, coercion, or unsafe conflict changes what help is appropriate. A repair script should never be used to make harm sound normal or manageable.