What His Wanting May Also Mean

He may wake up wanting you when you have barely had a moment to yourself. If you have spent the day being needed, that can feel like one more claim on you. You are allowed to want a kiss that stays a kiss.

• “Do I still affect you?”
• “Am I wanted here, not only useful?”
• “Is this one place where we still choose each other?”

Hear the reach without creating a debt

He may say something clumsy about how often you have sex when what he has not found words for is how foolish he feels to keep asking. Ask him what he misses. Do not assume every sexual bid means the same thing, or that understanding the feeling commits you to sex.

If you still want this part of the marriage, let him know what is happening for you. A clear no can sit beside a truthful conversation about when closeness feels possible and what has made it difficult. He must handle disappointment without punishment; you should not have to protect the relationship by overriding your body. Repeated distance still needs both of you to engage with it.